Saint Patrick

Saint Patrick is the Patron Saint of Ireland, earning the role when he drove the snakes from the country in the back of his van after making a drunken bet with the King of Dublin. In his honour, the Irish celebrate every March 17th which, by happy coincidence, is St.Patrick's Day. The traditional celebration involves patronizing (in rememberance of the "patron" saint) the country's bars (in rememberance of his famous drunken boasts) and repeating the line "Saint Patrick didn't drive the snakes out of Ireland so that I could stay sober!"

Spreadsheet

This is how a mexican farmer fertalizes his fields.

Television

Television was invented by John Logie Baird with the help of his little friend BooBoo. He had been producing a long-running radio documentary series about America's National Parks and thought that moving pictures would improve the presentation. 

The first demonstration of television was greeted with massive protests on the streets of the world's great capitals with opposition centering on the welfare of the tiny actors who had to be used so as to fit into the screen. Advances in technology that allowed normal sized actors to work in television and the protest movement soon died down. 

Early television was parrafin powered. This was satisfactory, but the picture became cloudy when you turned the wick up so eventually electricity was used instead. 

Television is now an accepted forum for artistic expression and is considered by most educated people to be the highest form of expression. Indeed, in a recent survey, 93% of working artists described television as their favourite medium and 86% agreed that Reality TV is the pinnacle of 21st century culture. *

*all statistics have been made up

Evolution

When Moses was in the wilderness he asked God to provide him with a companion. God saw that Moses was lonely and so told him to reach out and take his pet monkey by the hand. And, sure enough, the monkey became a man, and they did rejoice. Scientists call this process 'Evolution' and argue about whether it should be taught in the religious education syllabus. This is something which brings them great enjoyment and which is therefore to be encouraged.

Richard Nixon

Richard Nixon was one of America's most famous and best loved talk-show guests. In this role, Nixon launched the career of David Frost who used his newfound fame to bring us the wonders of Through the Keyhole and TV-AM. With his natural charm, self-effacing manner and sweaty good-looks, Nixon would often be greeted by crowds of screaming teenagers when he arrived in town - some of them were not content with mere screaming and would throw bottles and condoms filled with paint to show their appreciation. Nixon's talk-show career is believed to have inspired a young Barak Obama.

Butterflies

Butterflies are basically attention-seeking moths in fancy dress and far too much fuss is made about them. They should be ignored for their own good, then perhaps they would find something productive to do with themselves other than wasting their ephemeral existences fluttering about the place looking pretty.

The Godfather

The Godfather is one of the most revered films of the 20th century, starring the loveable Marlon Brando in the lead role of 'Godfather Kurtz', a mafia don who runs a tango school in Paris. Indeed, it it is after a particularly poor tango recital by his son, Michael, that Brando utters the movie's most famous line, 'The Horror, The Horror.' The theme tune was later used in promotional material by the Guatemalan Tourist Board.