Aliens

In the 1930's, when they were invented, aliens tended to come from Mars or, occasionally, the Moon. Since then, however, aliens have been coming from ever greater distances, sometimes even from other galaxies. By astonishing bad luck none of these super-intelligent hyper-advanced extra-terrestrial travelers have ever managed to make contact with any scientist, linguist or government leader who may have been able to understand them. Instead, they have had to make do with a long succession of loners, weirdos and hicks from the American Midwest.

Aliens have big eyes and elongated limbs for some reason. Other than that, they are quite like humans, with feelings, taste and a sense of fair play.

Flying Saucers used to be very popular amongst aliens but have long since gone out of fashion. These days, aliens prefer cigar shaped spaceships which are considered to be more stylish.

Mick Jagger

Mick Jagger, once known as 'England's Michael Jackson' before he successfully sued, is the grandfather of British Rock and Roll. With his band, the Rolling Stones, he was almost the most popular musician of the 1960s (after the Beatles) and then almost the most popular musician of the 1970s (after Led Zepplin) but Mick has managed to keep going long after his old rivals have given up. This success is mostly due to his absolute shamelessness allied to his legendary love of money.

Jagger's name is often linked to stories of debauchery and excess during the Swinging Sixties but many of the stories are inaccurate. The famous incident involving Marianne Faithful and a Mars Bar, for instance, is known to be fictitious. It was, in fact, a Curly Wurly.

Mick continues to tour with the Stones - a sad indictment of the depleted value of the British State Pension.

Belgium

Belgium has long enjoyed a reputation as Europe's favourite place for a battle having hosted wars between Spain and Holland, Britain and France, and Britain and Germany (twice). None of them wanted Belgium, especially, but they all agreed that it would be better to wreck Belgium rather than their own countries.

Belgium's only historical achievement of note was in the Congo where it gained the distinction of being the worst colonial government in 19th century Africa, beating off tough competition from the Germans.

There are no famous Belgians