Barcelona

With its tree-lined boulevards, damp weather and modern lifestyle, Barcelona is known as "The Seattle of the East". It is the capital of Catalonia - which is one of the bits of Spain that speaks funny. The other bit of Spain that speaks funny is called the Basque country because of the many varied types of naughty underwear produced by the region. The rest of Spain regards all of this speaking funny with wry amusement.

Many of Barcelona's buildings are made out of cheese - mostly Gouda which has been found to be particularly durable. This came as something of a relief to the cheese-makers of Gouda who had become destitute due to the fact that their cheese tastes like rubber. 

In 1993, hot on the heels of its triumphant hosting of the Olympic Games the previous year, Barcelona was voted "Most popular European city beginning with B" beating off a surprise late challenge from Bucharest.

Apes

Apes are monkeys without tails. The lack of a tail gives them a sense of gravitas that their monkey cousins lack as well as a air of superiority that is rather unattractive. Despite this, apes are secretly jealous of monkey-kind with its playful tree-swinging culture.

Apes often live in gated commuities as they find the extra security comforting. Like humans, they are known to use tools, have primative language and use an electoral college for their presidential elections.

The chimpanze is the ape which most enjoys Tai-Chi.

Cockfosters

Cockfosters is a type of beer brewed in Australia. It was discovered at the Foster's factory after a stag night went a bit too far.