Chocolate

Chocolate, in its purest form, is made from the cocoa 'bean' – in fact the leavings of the Schezhuan Cocoa Moth. Legend has it that ancient Chinese confectioners discovered the sweet sweet taste of the 'bean' during the reign of King Zhou Muwang around 1000BCE and historians believe that the discovery was of key importance in the establishment of the Chinese Empire under the Zhou dynasty.

Chocolate found its way to Europe via Persian traders who, wary of western sensibilities, suppressed the source of the chocolatey substance. They invented the story that it was made from beans plus one and a half glasses of milk in every bar.

Today, chocolate is still made from the traditional ingredients except for the stuff they make cheap Easter eggs out of – that is made from the crushed wings of the moths themselves. Moth cruelty campaigners have operated a successful boycott of the product in Finland.

Rivers

Rivers are nature's greatest vandals, cutting great gashes into the planet's surface. Occasionally a particularly suicidal river will throw itself off a cliff and become a waterfall.

When a river freezes it is called a glacier, and it develops a pleasant minty taste.

Famous rivers include the Nile, the Amazon and Joan.

Rivers were once formed a network of communication, linking together towns and villages together and forming the basis of trade networks. Luckily, thanks to the work of a generation of health and safety advisors we now know that rivers are perilous death-traps which must be avoided at all costs. The dangers of rivers include river blindness - like snow blindness this is caused by the glare of the sun reflecting off the surface of the river. You wouldn't think that something wet could blind you, but it can. 

Karate

Karate developed in medieval Japan. The island nation had a severe shortage of metal so Japanese roofers were reduced to using their hands to cut tiles. The best could break twelve or thirteen tiles all at once.

After the defeat and occupation of Japan by US forces in 1945, American military scientists soon saw the martial potential of Karate. Truman was persuaded to fund a massive research programme aimed at weaponizing the old roofer's technique. After many failures over ten difficult years at the network of facilities that were purpose built deep in the Arizona desert, the martial art we know today was born.

Egg

Comes before chicken. Or does it?

Porridge

Porridge is the healthy alternative to a delicious breakfast. It was invented by early Christian hermits in Scotland as a form of penance. 

Cheeta

Cheeta is the fictional chimpanze companion of Tarzan, a semi-naked man who made his living entertaining children in America during the inter-war years - those were more innocent times, after all. Cheetah was, in fact, played by a monkey who's tail had been cut off by the studio. Tarzan was played by a shaved Badger.