Homosexual Animals

Researchers have long known that homosexuality is rife throughout the animal kingdom and have sought to explain why this might be, since the evolutionary purpose of sex was traditionally thought to be solely procreative.

The breakthrough came when the Old Etonian biologist Roger Wilberforce noticed that most of this behaviour occurred amongst groups where there was a dearth of females with the frustrated males mindlessly humping each other. Remembering his schooldays, his brief career in the priesthood and his spell in the Royal Navy, Wilberforce immediately spotted the correlation.

Famous gay animals include the poodle, the flamingo and Stevie the Stupendous Soho Donkey.

Wimbledon

Wimbledon; home to the friendly Wombles, the unfriendly former association football team and, of course, the tennis championship. Wimbledon features both men and women but which is watched exclusively by women. Women who never watch any other sport at any other time of year. Even other tennis tournaments. I mean, what is that all about?

Wheelie Bins

Wheelie bins were introduced into the United Kingdom in the 1990s as a way of streamlining the process of collecting and disposing of rubbish. They soon became the country's main cause of civil unrest, provoking violent opposition among the many Britons who preferred to live in their own filth in the traditional manner.

The 'Great Wheelie Bin Revolt' as it was known, reached its climax when the chief environmental health officer of Gloucester City Council was burned alive inside a giant wicker man on Salisbury Plain.

Pandemic

A pandemic is a disease that affects pandas all over the world. I saw a panda in Berlin zoo once and it was very disappointing.