Give Us A Clue

Give Us A Clue was an intellectual television entertainment programme which took the form of a game of charades played by A-list celebrities. Michael Aspel was the chairman, except for the famous 1989 series in which Michael Parkinson stepped in after Aspel received the offer of more lucrative work, and there were two regular team captains. Team members would have two minutes in which to act out the name of a book, television programme or movie for their teammates to guess. Points would be awarded for correct answers.

One team was captained by Una Stubbs - her most famous performance came in 1984 when her team took just seconds to recognise her 'Fanny By Gaslight.'

The real star of the show, however, was Lionel Blair, father of the great Labour Party Prime Minister Ramsey MacDonald. He was a brilliant performer - who can forget the 1979 performance when Lionel, exhausted and on his knees, finished off 'An Officer and a Gentleman' in under two minutes. He wasn't always successful, though. On one occassion Lionel finished the two minutes with tears of frustration welling up in his eyes at not being allowed the use of his mouth to finish off 'Two Gentlemen of Verona.'

**NB. This is the Humphrey Lyttleton Memorial Definition

Athiesm

Surely the oddest development in the history of religious thought has been the rise of evangelical Atheism which has recently been voted 'Most Dogmatic Religion 2009,' beating Wahhabi Islam into second place.

A new threshold was passed in 2006 when the first Atheist missionaries arrived in Salt Lake City, although they met with little success. The Mormons, it seems, did not have the faith required to become good Atheists.

Another notable development was the series of worldwide protests after a Danish newspaper published a cartoon mocking Richard Dawkins.

Ribs

Possibly the most amazing, fantastic, delicious food known to humankind (when marinaded in 'original' sauce.) The precise animal of origin remains a mystery.

Also the bit of Adam that God used to make Eve out of.

Goths

The Goths are believed to have originated in Scandinavia. Indeed, scholars have recently put forward the theory that the Baltic Sea was named after the genital parasite which plagued the early Gothic civilization.

The Goths soon left the north, reappearing in the historical record on the eastern border of the Roman Empire, making them the only people in history to leave Sweden to settle in the Ukraine. The realization of this mistake is believed to be the reason behind the Goths' trademark gloomy disposition.

At the time, the Goths were led by Alaric the Goth, runner up in the 'Least imaginative surname competition AD375.'* Angry at his defeat, Alaric led the Goths into the Roman Empire, sacking Rome itself.

Alaric's Goths eventually settled in Aquitania (southern France) and Spain. They adopted the local practice of taking siesta in the afternoon and, during one of these naps, they were conquered by the Germanic Franks who had no time for such laziness. Thus, the Goths disappeared from history until being resurrected in the late 20th century by weird middle-class teenagers.

* Suetonius the Younger records the winner of the competition as a certain Mr. A. T. Hun.