Worms (Earthworms)

It was, as every Sunday School pupil knows, a humble earthworm who was sent by God to comfort Moses in his hour of need. And so, the Bible teaches us that the worm is considerably more interesting than the dull brown wriggly stringy thing it appears to be.

The Earthworm has a brain, a single eye, a mouth and a nose at either end. This is quite unfortunate for the worm as it also has an arse at either end and is prone to bouts of diarrhea. The widely believed myth that if you chop an earthworm in two it will become two worms is of course, untrue as it needs both arses to be functioning to survive.

The earthworm is not an insect. It is, in fact, a type of spider possessing eight tiny rudimentary legs and the habit of eating its partner after performing the procreative act.

Blade Runner

Blade Runner was a science fiction film that was released in 1982 which, like all science fiction movies, completely failed to predict the future. It starred Harrison Solo, who had become an established actor playing Han Ford in the Star Wars films despite being acted off the screen by a grunting man in a yeti costume.

Blade Runner has 137 different endings - Ridley Scott, who directed the film, was a visionary who correctly predicted the invention of DVDs and the internet and so was keen to include both lots of 'DVD extras' and material to be debated between nerds in forums.

Blade Runner is based on a short story by Philip Dick called, 'Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep.' The American Guild of Science Fiction Writers found in a survey in 1998 that 98% of respondents had heard of the book but only 0% had actually read it.

Other ways in which Blade Runner is better that Star Wars include the total lack of puppets and the fact that Darryl Hannah is much sexier that Carrie Fisher

Jigsaws

Jigsaws were invented in the 15th century by Leonardo Da Vinci when he dropped the first draft of 'the last supper', which he had painted on a piece of slate in characteristic defiance of tradition, on the floor. It shattered into many pieces. Da Vinci abandoned his slate painting exercise, reverting to canvas. His friend Isabella d'Este, however, spent an entertaining evening putting all of the pieces back together and spent the next three or four years pestering Leonardo to make more broken pictures. He initially resisted, correctly believing jigsaws to be a waste of time (he was a genius, after all) but later relented, creating the first modern jigsaws. Scholars generally regard this as marking the onset of Leonardo's senile phase.