Aristotle

Aristotle rhymes with bottle and throttle but is best known as the name of an Ancient Greek philosopher. As a young man, he was the student of Plato, the famous plate-spinner and inventor of friendship, but he became bored by the constant circus-skills training and the lack of rumpy-pumpy and set off to seek his fortune as a philosopher in Athens.

Aristotle studied every possible subject, writing on ethics, politics and aesthetics, and inventing logic and xenophobia. He then returned to Macedon to become tutor and mentor to the future Alexander the Great, teaching him how to be a virtuous king, how to despise foreigners and how to spin plates.

Aristotle thought that everything was made up of five elements, earth, air, fire, water and aether which just goes to show that he was an idiot. All the same, he looked great in a statue.

Bill Clinton

Politician, incompetent cannabis smoker and, currently, husband of failed US Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton. Clinton was born in the town of Hopeless, Alabama where he attended Elementary School alongside a young Hank Williams. It was here that he took up the Saxophone after his attempts to learn how to play the violin were frustrated when the heat of the Deep South kept warping his bow.

As a young man, Clinton joined the Boy's Nation, a kind of Democratic Party Hitler Youth. On a trip to the White House he met the celebrity philanderer John F Kennedy, who was the President of the time.

Clinton soon became Arkansas Attorney General, which was the runners-up prize in the 1978 election to the House of Representatives. He went on to become Governor, which afforded him many opportunities to sign death warrants on mentally impaired prisoners. From here it was only a matter of time before he fulfilled his destiny and ran for President. He defeated Paul Tsongas, the best Democratic President America never had, and Ross Perot, the shortest, maddest, angriest President America never had.

Clinton was known as one of the most accommodating American Presidents, often offering female visitors the chance to see his White House staff or to help him conduct some private polling. Apart from that he did as little as possible, failed to bring peace to the Middle East or Bosnia and so appalled Republican voters that they thought that George W Bush looked like a good bet. All in all, he was one of America's greatest leaders.

The Hound of the Baskervilles

A literary classic featuring Shylock Holmes, one of William Shakespeare's most famous creations.

There have been over one hundred movie adaptations of The Hound of the Baskervilles starring 87 different actors in the role of Holmes.