Cows

The cow (bovus moous) is a popular and friendly farm animal which is bred by many cultures for its meat, its milk, its leathery hide and its manure. Cows grow out of calves and the eat grass, preferring this to milk which they normally give away to people. Male cows are called bulls, unless they have been castrated in which case they are called bullocks (as in 'How do you tame a bull? Cut off it's bullocks).

However the day of the cow may be drawing to an end as cow ownership comes under concerted attack from environmentalists, who blame the methane produced by cows for global warming, and from animal rights activists opposed the practice of shaking cows violently to produce whipped cream.

Bears

Bears are big shaggy mammals that evolved from primitive cats. They enjoy eating honey, ants and occasionally people, although only when they are exceptionally hungry. Most bears live in the northern hemisphere - the few that live in the southern hemisphere spin in the opposite direction.

Bears are terrific singers and are known for adopting stray children who have wandered into the jungle. They are, however, constantly annoyed at being confused with pandas which are most definitely not bears.

Polar bears are unique in the bear world due to their love of perching precariously on pinnacles of ice. No other bears do this.